I don't know what I weighed in sixth grade. I tried not to pay attention. The last weight I remember before then was 94 lbs. I was in 4th grade. A girl I rode the bus with weighed 90 pounds at the same weigh in and she waved it off and said she was big boned. I can't remember if I asserted my soft adolescent body into the category of "big boned" during that conversation. I most likely swallowed and just stared doe-eyed at her amazing drawings of horses, storing the statement until later.
I have said it since, this notorious phrase that almost excuses a level of fat as unavoidable but at this point it comes off as an outright lie. At 9 years old, I was maybe 4'10" and was almost a hundred pounds. Now, I am 5'6" on a good day and weigh about 3 times what I weighed back then.
Still, I was a growing girl and thus I'm quite sure that number had swelled a bit more two years later. So, I couldn't fit my thighs into jeans during this period of my life and I remember shopping in the teen section when my age was a single digit, but I didn't care. I was young.
Then they called me donut. Well she did first and the rest of them followed. She was the same size I was, yet I somehow was blessed by her wisdom of bestowing me with this wretched nickname. I took a moment to pass along my parental guidance and pulled her aside to explain self esteem and that making fun of me was supposed to make her feel a tiny bit better about herself. It shut her up, but by that time, the name stuck for the rest of the year.
Donut played goalie during PE soccer. Donut was a pretty decent goalkeep. But the nickname had to destroy that moment of triumph. One of the star players in our class tried to save a goal he didn't think that Donut could and ended up sliding into the metal goalpost. He limped away, with the help of the goalkeep who was nearby when the accident happened so subsequently the rest of the children accused her of sitting on his leg and breaking it. Donut was livid and offended.
In my defense, I refused to eat donuts until college.
Crispy fried ring of dough with frosting and sprinkles. They will never be my favorite food, but I enjoy them now. Working in an office setting, where the nickname is unknown and no longer used I can easily forget those moments.
But then and again, in my mind, I hear a soft lurking voice saying -- you are what you eat, donut.
